Ducky Doolittle is a fairly new name to me. A sex educator based in Minneapolis, she speaks all over the country and has a fabulous series of videos on YouTube. Of her many projects, my favorite is ‘love u parties’ – a business that uses a direct-sales model (think Avon or Tupperware) to get high-quality (phalate- free) sex toys into people’s hands. Ducky emphasizes the usefulness of this model in places that cannot support women-centered sex stores like Smitten Kitten or Good Vibrations. Something else that separates love u parties from similar companies is a commitment to accurate information about of pleasure anatomy and connecting with customers over their specific needs. Ducky says that love u parties are ‘for everybody with a body’, presenting an inclusive model, that moves away from the the heterosexually-focused model of other companies.
About a week ago, I listened as the Sex is Fun gang (who are worthy of their very own post) interviewed her on their weekly podcast. An interview to be recommended — you can feel the warmth and compassion that inspire her work. Some of her words stuck with me so much that I had to listen again.
On nervousness around sex – “people don’t really realize how beautiful and perfect they are exactly as they are, you know, perfectly imperfect . . .” (this one gave me chills)
On sex educators: She reveals her own body-insecurities, even as a sex educator – growing sexually and emotionally is about awareness, not being ‘perfect’ – not even ‘perfectly secure.’
“I like to look at everybody as a sex educator”
“Whenever you look at a sex educator the first thing you have to look at is the intent . . .”
On the healing power of sex (this one made me cry): “. . . the earth is a heavy place to live, and it’s a heavy place to be, people are coming back from a horrible war, with really bad injuries, and people are surviving sexual assaults and domestic violence and misinformation . . . how we survive things is to tune out, to put the tv on, to eat too much food, to sit at the computer for 15 hours a day. And to have good sex you need to tune in to your body and be present with your body, that’s one of the reasons I love sex toys, you know, you put a vibrator against a woman’s clitoris and you are here, GOOD MORNING, WAKE UP. So, I do a lot of work to say ‘why don’t you turn the tv off and have a real conversation and touch'”
On a similar note, Ducky and the Sex is Fun crew remind about how sex can be at its most healing when we’re feeling unwell, or even in the case of serious injury or illness – it helps us to remember our sexual nature that,even if changed, remains intact.
Back to the love u parties — what are your favorite resources for sex toys in the STL area? Do we need our own Toys in Babeland or do our local stores offer everything you need? Or is what we really need is a good i love you parties dealer?