by David Wraith
Happy Anniversary, a film starring you-know-who.
The biggest surprise I’ve gotten in the brief period since Sex+STL got started is that I have received almost no questions about BDSM or nudism (two topics I know a bit about). Almost all the questions that have come to me personally, in person or via the internets, have been from people looking to open their relationships. So I guess I’m “That Poly Guy.”
One thing that I’ve realized since people have been coming to me with these questions is how little my nine years of official polyamory apply to other people’s situations. Being that I am unmarried, childless, somewhat anti-social and work for a large company, for me being polyamorous is much easier than it might be for someone married, with children, who actually knows their neighbors and co-workers.
There are two pieces of boiler plate advice I give to anyone looking to open their relationships. First, read Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up,” perhaps the most comprehensive book on the different kinds of open relationships and how they work.
Second, reach out to your local poly community and make some polyamorous or sex positive friends, ASAP. Issues will arise in your relationship and you may need to talk them out with someone other than your partner. Your well intentioned, monogamous or vanilla friends and family members may not be able to see past the open nature of your relationship as the source of the problem. When I used to go to my monogamous friends with relationship problems, I often heard in response, “Have you ever thought about just seeing one person?” By way of contrast, I’ve never responded to my monogamous friends’ relationship problems with, “Gee, have you ever thought about fucking a bunch of other people?”
Next week in part 2, a much more personal blog on my poly history.