A few weeks back, I did this interview with kink educator and pro-domme, Mistress Simone. For the next three weeks I will yield by blog on SEX+STL to the Mistress and her wisdom on the subject of being a feminist and a fem-dom. Enjoy, and I’ll see you in February. – David Wraith
by Guest Blogger, Mistress Simone
Let’s begin with why I am not a dominant woman. Many misconceptions are attributed to dominatrixes, dominas, dommes or dominant women (from here on in referred to as dommes.) Some of the popular ones I have been confronted with are:
- You hate men and like to hurt them.
- You are a lesbian venting your anger on the male sex.
- It’s a way to prove women are the stronger sex.
- You were abused as a child (by either parent) and this is your way of coping.
- You were raised by an overly aggressive mother and weakling father; or vice versa and are now compensating.
While I admit there are those in this lifestyle who have these reasons, I am not one. I will go into detail later on about my personal reasons. Besides it being my chosen form of sexual expression, it is also my chosen career. I am a professional domina, sex educator and lecturer.
But for now, let’s touch on feminism. You would think being a dominant woman goes hand in hand with feminism. Those reasons stated above are just a few of why being a feminist and a dominant make it difficult. People don’t want to hear that a strong woman can actually enjoy the pleasure she receives from controlling men. That I enjoy the activities I partake in. She must be a card carrying militant feminist! They don’t want to accept that she is well adjusted, in a happy marriage, from a good home and not abused as a child. It is difficult for many people to accept that anyone would desire to explore an alternative sexuality without being encumbered by heavy issues. Similar to porn stars, many women in the BDSM community are exposed to continual harassment from people for participating in such a deviant practice. Being the dominant woman, I should be upholding the feminist creed of no subordination/subjugation by controlling these men. I am the stronger sex in my lifestyle. I am not subjected to domination of men in my lifestyle. It is easier for me than my submissive sisters who must deal with all the negative connotations of domestic violence and psychical abuse. A submissive woman could not possibly be a feminist if she lets men control her and psychically manipulate her. How could she willingly place herself in the subordinate position, under a male? Consider for a moment, the immense amount of inner strength a submissive woman must have to put her in that position against all current social constructs. She must truly know her inner desires and have the strength to pursue them regardless of how others might react to her. Much like our foremothers who pursued suffrage.
Mistress Simone has been a professional and lifestyle domina and sex educator for over 20 years. www.chicago-mistress.com