Ask the Man-Whore: The Insecure Virgin

Lawrence Barraclough really wants to talk about penises.

by David Wraith

Dear Man-Whore,

I just want to say that I was inspired by the article you wrote about your penis size. Being a twenty-something guy who has  always been insecure about his size six penis, I felt like that article was about me.

Now if I can just work up the  guts to lose my virginity, life would be less stressful. Any tips can you give me to get over this insecurity?

– The Insecure Virgin

Dear Insecure Virgin,

As far as your “size six penis,” by that I assume you mean that it’s six inches. If so, then it’s average. Not that it would be any reason to panic if it were below average, but you have even less reason to panic, since your are within the norm.

If you have an hour to spare, I highly recommend watching the video “My Penis and I.” If you have another hour to spare, I even more highly recommend the sequel, “My Penis and Everyone Else’s.” Both films are by Lawrence Barraclough and both are excellent meditations on why guys are insecure about their size and why we shouldn’t be, directed by a guy was insecure himself.

As far as losing your virginity is concerned, I think the most important thing is finding the right person. Whether it’s a hook up with a friend of the start of a relationship, it should be someone you trust will be sensitive to your anxiety and lack of experience.

Here’s an exercise: Imagine having sex for the first time and it going absolutely perfect. You’ve no doubt heard of this technique, it’s called Positive Visualization.

Okay, now I’m gonna hit you with a technique of my own: Negative Visualization. Imagine having sex for the first time and everything going horribly, horribly wrong! Yes, I know, thinking about all that could possibly go wrong can add more anxiety to an already anxious person, but there’s another step to Negative Visualization. After you imagine everything going wrong, imagine getting up the next day and going to work or to school. Imagine going out for coffee after the worst case scenario sexual disaster. Imagine telling the story to your friends and laughing about it.

You see, the problem is, we imagine the worst anyway, but we stop there. The trick to Negative Visualization is imagining the worst and then realizing that it’s almost never the end of the world. The sun will rise the next morning. Life goes on. Someday you’ll laugh about it, so why not today? Why not laugh about it before it happens and if it does happen, it won’t seem that bad.

I hope this helps.

As ever,

Wraith

Posted in ask SEX+STL, Ask the Man-Whore, David Wraith, men, virginity and tagged , , , .

One Comment

  1. Right, David. Also, many women require techniques other than penile penetration to orgasm. Accentuate the positive: become awesome at oral, be GGG and know that lots of women enjoy additional stimulation with vibrators, toys, etc., regardless of her partner’s penis size. That said, the quality of his relationship with his partner(s) will likely be the real defining factor. Loving, intimate relationships can bear that weight.

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