Sex Positive Parenting May 16!

Kendra and her mini-me

Last month, we were honored to have Susie Bright debut our sex-positive parenting group.

Our next one will be Monday, May 16, 7pm at Shameless Grounds, hosted by Charlotte Times and myself. This will be a kid-free discussion group in the library.

“In America today, it is nearly impossible to publish a book that says children and teenagers can have sexual pleasure and be safe too.”

That is the opening line of the book Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex

I learned about this book from the Sex is Fun podcast, and am pretty peeved no one clued me in about it earlier, as it was published in 2002, just two years after my daughter was born.

We seriously underestimate our children.

My daughter burst into my car after school one day in a particularly dramatic fashion.

“Mom. I REALLY need therapy now.”

“Why?!” I asked.

“Because they showed us this traumatic video at school that was supposed to be cheerful about puberty, but it was FAKE cheerful and that made it creepy!” She went on, “They kept singing, Just Around the Corner, and would say things like, ‘one day, lumps of fat will sprout from your chest’!”

She clutched at her chest and said earnestly, “Your talks with me are SO much better! I wish you could talk to the class instead of them making us watch that awful video! You make it seem natural and something to look forward to, but that video was scary!”

Dan Savage had Amy Lang, creator of Birds+Bee+Kids on for a good podcast on the topic. Her biggest advice for parents talking to kids about sex? GET OVER YOURSELF.

Let me ask you: at what age did you discover an adult book or magazine for the first time, or realize you had a fetish? Was it when you were 18? Probably not. Trust me, you don’t want your kids learning about sex from their friends. When I was in 3rd grade I told my classmates that breast milk came in two flavors, chocolate and vanilla. I wonder how many years some of them carried around that misconception.

The book How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years suggests practicing saying sex words out loud to yourself before having the conversation with your kids so you get used to them. I thought this was such a cute suggestion, because guess what? In order to have a child, you had to put a PENIS into a VAGINA for SEXUAL INTERCOURSE so it could EJACULATE SPERM so a baby could grow in the UTERUS. Hopefully, the process was enjoyable and nothing to be ashamed of.

Amy Lang highlighted this article from Psychology Today about having the porn discussion with your kids. I’ll bet Julia Sweeney wishes she read up on this before she was cornered by her daughter one day. What started out as a discussion about frogs turned into searching on youtube for videos of dogs having sex and questions about how two women mate. Here, watch this video so Julia can explain in her own words how she dug a hole.

Dr. Logan Levkoff is another great resource for parents who have questions about their kids and sexuality. Here she explains how single moms can best navigate the topic. Levkoff is the author of Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be: What Your Kids Are Learning About Sex Today- and How to Teach Them toBecome Sexually Healthy Adults.

Finally, I offer you my Mango Talk, which was an impromptu but beautiful way for me to explain the joys of sex to my daughter.

Hope to see all you moms and dads at the talk Monday night! We’ll be having these monthly.

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One Comment

  1. Wish we had events like this in my area.
    How people deal with sex and nature with their children is insane sometimes.
    A couple months ago a woman told my three year old that vagina was a dirty word.
    She had just told the woman’s 5 year old daughter that babies did nought get bought at the hospital.
    The 5 year old believed she had been purchased and was expensive.
    The woman (a preschool teacher) re-affirmed in front of my daughter that they did get her at a hospital and she had no idea why my daughter thought a vagina had anything to do with it.

    Great way to be honest with a child.

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