This is what I wore at the demo.
The other night Sex Positive St. Louis hosted a blowjob demo. I’ve always wanted to give a demo using a real, live man, instead of a dildo or other prop.
The first challenge was finding the right guy for the demo. He had to be someone I liked and trusted, attractive, average-sized, good at receiving head, and brave:
He had to be okay having sex in front of a bunch of people. Now, a lot of guys joked about wishing to be the demo dick, but when suck came to swallow, they found the prospect intimidating.
Luckily, my first choice for modeling my oral skills was willing to try!
J and I met for a wet run and, in front of a small group of our loved ones, had an amazing practice session. I sucked his dick, we worked some logistical kinks out, and he came all over my tits. Lovely!
Now we were ready for the actual event!
About 20 awesome people attended. The space was small, but elegant. Our hosts had a beautiful spread of wine and appetizers. The vibe was classy, warm, electric.
He was nervous; I was not. I’m an exhibitionist, and didn’t need to worry about my mouth being unable to perform.
Although I did make a joke announcement in our intro about me having emergency oral surgery that day and David Wraith would be taking my place. 🙂
My partner Matthew narrated the event. Can you imagine giving a group of people an informative lecture while your partner is next to you seducing someone?
Soft music played in the background. Candles were lit, It was the most romantic spectator sport setting ever!
J and I started making out. We slowly undressed each other. The process was sexy, slow and sweet. To make a long story short, J did not get hard like he did when we practiced. Despite it being a pleasurable experience, his brain got jammed. We tried going from standing to sitting to lying down.
I was not worried. After all, I was working with a real, live human being, and he was behaving as such. The audience was patient and respectful.
After a few minutes, when it seemed clear that things would not change given the current dynamic, J’s girlfriend swooped in like Wonder Woman to save the day!
She tapped me and asked, “Do you want me to step in and help?”
I was open to it, and thought she was going to try sucking his dick, but instead, she started peeling off her tights so she could sit on his face!
Suddenly, the blowjob demo took an unexpected turn. It went from one guy getting his dick sucked to a threeway, and instead of watching a man orgasm, we got to experience a beautiful woman ride his face to orgasm!
It was so hot how her sassy short plaid skirt concealed the tongue and pussy from the crowd. It made her sounds and body movement that much hotter. She gasped and writhed and got off in front of everyone – an exhibitionist after my own heart!
Then, they retired to the bedroom for some privacy, and the demo was over.
There were a lot of feelings swirling around the crowd. People had a lot to process. Some were empathetic. Some were amazed. Some were turned on. We all mingled, drank wine, asked questions. I thought it was wonderful.
One of the guests wrote me an interesting suggestion about performance anxiety:
I have a thought on it I’d like to share, because I’ve had performance issues due to anxiety. Now, I wouldn’t pretend to advise an expert. There are just some things I haven’t heard people try in these situations. I’m only telling you what I would have liked a partner to try with me. (I’m not certain it would have been practical in this case, but maybe it could be of help with other guys in the predicament.)
Here’s the hypothesis: what you would do to arouse a guy (or woman, really) is different from what you would do to get him (or her) off. Of course, orgasm is dependent on arousal. I think the stress hormones drive him into a state where his body is more ready for ejaculation before he’s aroused. From psychology: arousal is parasympathetic while ejaculation is sympathetic: opposite neurological states. (Who designed this?) So it jams him up to where he can’t get an erection and can’t build to ejaculation either.
You want to “unjam” him first and then restart the process. Instead of stimulating his genitals more, avoid them. Massage him generally to get rid of the tension and lower his corticosteroid level. Try going back and flirting, joking, get him to laugh. When he relaxes, talk dirty, but not aggressively so. Tell him things that are suggestive but not raunchy. Convey images and do things he’d find initially arousing.
Great feedback! The next day, I wrote this to J and the crew:
J, you were just amazing. Truly. Do you realize how much you touched and connected everyone? I’ve already had two people write me in the wee hours of the morning gushing with positive thoughts. They said watching us make out was worth the price of admission alone. It was so real. Imagine if you would have gotten up there and popped a boner without breaking a sweat and ejaculated in 12.5 minutes. How do you think that would have made all the men in the room feel? They’ve all been through a similar situation. Heck, it might have made them feel insecure or inadequate to see you perform like a porn star stud. In fact, they can watch porn all day and see that! How often do people get a chance to witness such real intimacy? Priceless! I felt such empathy and kinship in the room.
And when I say “witness real intimacy” I mean when R stepped in. I do believe her skirt has holes in it from people staring at it so intently! That was a fucking awesome turn of events. The threeway was unexpected and incredible for so many!
Here are J’s thoughts about the whole thing:
I can’t echo your sentiments any more poignantly Kendra: I have the BEST FRIENDS EVER! I love you all for being brave enough to try this experiment in live sex positive demonstrations in the first place. Secondly, for allowing me this opportunity to be involved in such a manner. I’ve been so honored since you first asked me. I really have! I love you all for building me up with so much confidence to even consider attempting it. And ultimately for being so immensely understanding about my, um “condition” last night, heh!
I agree with you, although most people thought they were paying to witness a steamy hot cum shower, they probably got something more genuine in the end. Even I can step back from my situation and see that the end result may have been an even more valuable experience and lesson like you said particularly for other men who can identify with the difficulties of the fickle brain/penis interface.
Kendra, you were amazing! I do have to reiterate that it all felt WONDERFUL despite the fact things never quite “solidified”. It was so strange, because I felt all the usual tinglings down there while kissing you, while focusing on your body, while your mouth was on me …in every which way you touched me, I even had the sensations of getting harder and harder, yet like a phantom limb every time I would actually look down to visualize those sensations, it hadn’t grown. Then that fact would often send my head into the next negative feedback loop of anxiety and pressure and the sense of time running out. Grrrr! So I know the failure point was all in my head (sorry, I approach everything like an engineer) …not you at all! But it’s still just bizarre to me why it shouldn’t just work in the first place no matter how many pistachios I eat, LOL!
And to my lovely girlfriend, R… Holy smokes I could never ask for a more spectacular partner! You are the ultimate sexual superheroine rushing in to save the day! But you do it all out of pure love and empathy for me and I have never felt so special and supported in so many ways. You continue to blindside me with your compassion and seduction in new and creative ways every day …even three years into this love nest we’ve been building! I can never thank you enough for every crazy thing you do for me! I love you I love you I love you!
By the way, I’ll have the rest of you know that as soon as we got home, we crawled into bed and my turtle came bravely out of his shell for all kinds of passionate lovin’. Stupid thing! So no worries, nothing’s permanently broken. 😉