Your Favorite Film (IN BED !!!)

Porn parodies are one of favorite sections of Spanky’s Video on North Lindbergh. I love how watching one of them keeps you from ever looking at the original the same way again!

Lately, I’ve been able to watch a couple of parodies. One was fantastic (like its original) and one was a bust (like its original).
The Rocki Whore Picture Show almost puts its original to shame. Brad, played by Rocco Reed, and Janet, played by Jessica Drake, were hilarious to watch as a (now-married) couple who get lost thanks to a rogue GPS — “You will be lost in 200 yards.” This little update to the 70’s musical made me laugh out loud.

The pink-n-blue couple has some pretty hot sex in their car before
deciding that maybe they ought to go find a phone to use to get back to their honeymoon. Janet is shown to be pretty hot and horny, but in this really sweet way that I found appealing. This is the tone set throughout the porn musical (yes, it’s still a musical!): hilarious, sexy and sweet.

So, the couple makes it to the castle, and run into Stiff-Staff (Randy Spears) who brings them into the castle to meet with Frank N’ Beans. We also meet Vagina, the Magenta parody played to great effect by Nikki Tyler, and Euphoria, who is the perky stand-in for Columbia played by Alektra Blue. Frank is, of course, making porn (creating a delicious meta commentary on the industry) and has created the Perfect Porn Star in Rocki, played by the tall, tan, slim Puma Swede… but who will be the star, Rocki, or the excited new talent Janet..?

You have the feeling that this is the way it should have been all along. That maybe that’s how the Rocky Horror Picture Show was originally shot and that there will be some awesome reveal in a remastered collectors edition that is released on the musical’s 50th anniversary. I want to see Tim Curry get a blow job, basically.

I had high hopes for a comparison between Twilight: New Moon and (This Isn’t) The Twilight Saga: New Moon XXX. Side note: how do they avoid getting sued? Anyway, when I saw this on the Spanky’s endcap, I thought: hard core sex is like bacon — it makes everything better – even Twilight. Plus, starting with an episode from the Twilight Saga, the only possible way is up. As it turns out, I should have cooked some bacon.

A friend very wisely suggested that I should not put myself and my guests (another couple joined my boyfriend and I for a viewing party) through the actual Twilight New Moon and burned the rifftrax for us. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to bow at  hir feet in gratefulness. The dialogue in that film makes up one of the most inane experiences I’ve had in my life. Even with the rifftraxx it was unbearable.  After about 15 minutes, we fast- forwarded to the end, and moved with some gratefulness to the film’s steamy counterpart.

The Twilight parody was clearly using leftover costuming and sets from something else, which is fine. But in this case, there weren’t many clues as to who the characters were. At the beginning we guessed that Bella was being eaten out bay Jacob and Edward, but that was mostly because the girl had dark hair, and, who else could she be really?  There was no dialogue to really make the porn into a parody.  The sex, by itself was so-so. There were some pretty hot three-way moments and the there was a great connection between the couple in the last scene.  Still: when I started making out with my sweetie, I couldn’t tell if it was out of boredom, or because I was turned on. But that’s probably because I was looking for a story-line.  All-in-all, the ‘parody’ makes a perfectly good piece of porn to fast-forward and rewind to your favorite bits and to get turned on by.

While New Moon was a bust, I’d totally recommend the porn parody section of Spanky’s as a whole.  In addition to the Rocki Whore Picture Show, I’d also suggest trying out BatmanXXX  – fun satin-gloved times! There are some parodies of TV series’ that are next on my list, too.

Spanky’s Video and Gifts  has two locations in the STL area: 3419 N. Lindbergh Dr.  &  1123 Gravois Rd  in Fenton.

One Comment

  1. “Even with the rifftraxx it was unbearable.”
    The 1st one was hilarious. The 2nd one (New Moon) was bad. The 3rd was horrible. The 4th I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry. I have no idea how people can watch these things without Rifftrax.

Comments are closed.