How to Meet the Domme of Your Dreams: Part 3

by Mistress Simone

As usual, Mistress Simone is dressed for SEX+STL's Black & White Party. Photo courtesy of the author.

Editor’s Note: This is part 3 of a 3 part series. Part 2 can be read here.

Top Ten Submissives to Not Be:


1. Micro Manage Me: This sub wants a dominant to control every aspect of their life so they can relinquish responsibility for all. Calling me every five minutes asking if you can pee will get you dismissed. Life control is a favorite fetish of mine. However, I want to take the control, not have to do so you won’t get run over by a truck crossing the street.

2. Do Me: It’s all about you! Your fetishes are your only focus. Hers be damned! If she likes foot worship and you don’t, oh well! Too bad for her. And your only go in approaching her is to get played with. The one thing I hate is feeling just like an arm.

3. Stalker: Going to every event she’s at. Sending her email after email, text after text, calling every hour. This will get a police report filed on you quickly!

4. Puppy Dog: Moon eyes, drooling, starring, wagging your tail when she pets your head. Don’t fawn unless instructed to. Acting like a school boy with a crush is fine for awhile but soon that attention will become unnerving. Especially if you haven’t even introduced yourself yet, close to stalker mentality.

5. You will do till…..until my true dream domme comes along. Not truly interested in having a relationship with me, but just with ANY domme. Always waiting for something better, the next perfect domme. Gauging a domme by the unrealistic expectations of our BDSM media. We are not all Rubberdolls or Ilsa Strix.

6. Switchable: I do like spanking. I don’t like spanking. I do flogging. I don’t like flogging. Constantly altering your true interests till we both are so confused we give up. Limits are fluid as are interests but to flip flop constantly puts a great deal of stress on us both. Plus it is manipulative.

7. Blank Slate: I have no personality. Give me one. No outside interests or hobbies. I will like the type of food, music and clothing you tell me. My own interests be damned.

8. Shadow: She moves left, you move left. She moves right, you move right. Unless you are trained to do so, do not shadow her every movement.

9. Yes Man: Yes Mistress, No Mistress, Whatever you want Mistress. Have a freaking backbone, man! If I want a doormat, I will tell you to lie down.

10. Weeping Willow: Emoting, emoting, emoting. This can be very draining on anyone in a   relationship. We all bring issues into our relationships. But to be a constant clingy, needing of reassurance that you are worth it will drain your dominant. Psychic vampires do not make good subs.

One final note, while all this advice is well and good. Keep in mind, dominant does not mean bitch. Just because we identify as domme does not give us the right to belittle other humans (unless they ask for it).

Mistress Simone has been a professional and lifestyle domina and sex educator for over 20 years.