Last night Kendra Holliday gave a presentation on safe and healthy sex at Hustler. Kendra is Co-Founder of SEX+STL, a mother, a sex worker, and has a healthcare background. She has had hundreds of partners, zero STIs, and loads of fun!
In case you missed the presentation, here’s a quick and dirty summary of what was covered:
“Health” = the state of being free from illness or injury.
We always hear about how Missouri is high on the stats list for STIs.
The biggest cause of STIs is lack of education, resources, and shame.
Drunk, unplanned sex in the dark, encounters in sneaky places can be hot, but it’s preferable to plan your sexy playtime.
COMMUNICATE – have the safer sex conversation long before you get naked.
Get tested regularly – once a season, every spring, whatever makes sense for you. Look under “sexual health” on our LINKS page.
People being penetrated are at higher risk than the people who are penetrating.
Ask for test results; have yours handy, too.
Oral hygiene – brush and floss regularly – brushing is for your gums, flossing is for your teeth. Don’t floss right before play time. Smartmouth is great!
Carry a condom or two with you – don’t assume your partner will have some. Communicate before intercourse – things can change on the fly, but going in with ground rules helps.
Decide if you want to use oral barriers, such as dental dams. Saran wrap can be used as well.
Look at genitals before you play – have show and tell! Be aware of skin contact – hpv, herpes etc. viruses can be carried on the skin surrounding the genitals.
There are soo many types of condoms – latex, non-latex like polyurethane SKYN, lambskin, female, sizes, flavored – try all kinds to find your favorite brand and style!
Putting on a condom – check expiration date. Open condom before you start to get hot ‘n heavy so you’re not fumbling with lubey hands
Watch for the right side for application, use lube – condoms can be drying after a while.
Leave a little room at the top.
If you’re having sex with more than two people, switch condoms between partners.
Explore lubes as well – flavored? silicone? water based? Read labels!
Toys – SO many good toys and props! Learn about quality toys made with safe materials and how to clean them. There were a couple nurses in the audience and they advised against putting vegetables up your butt. Stick with toys meant for anal. A good toy is cheaper than an Emergency Room bill!
Anal sex – go slow, deep breaths, use lots of lube, clean out your system beforehand, poop, wash, enema, etc. Read more tips here.
Anal play – use glove with cotton balls in finger tips to avoid nicking delicate tissue with fingernails.
Pee before and after sex.
Wash up after sex.
Birth control – SOOO many options. Explore them. Be aware of the side effects of artificial hormones.
Vaccinations – HPV for people under 27, hepatitis B
Solo sexual health – masturbate regularly! Have at least one orgasm a week – use it or lose it!
Mix up your routine, don’t be a one trick pony. Sex is a great way to express your creativity!
Realize that porn is enlightening and stimulating entertainment, but it is not necessarily instructional.
Don’t forget mental sexual health!
COMMUNICATE – “you’re only as sick as your secrets”
When developing a relationship with someone, here’s why it’s better to take it slow – you can plan better, get to know each other better, and build a foundation of intimacy that will sustain the relationship longer. Often we skip steps and that does the relationship a disservice
Informed consent – don’t just ask before fucking – ask before touching- NO ASSUMPTIONS
RESPECT yourself and your partners!
Advocate for better sex education for our kids! They should be learning about sex in an age-appropriate manner from the get go! Like THIS.
Take calculated risks! Don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back. Educate yourself! If you’re willing to drive a car, then you’re brave enough to explore your sexuality on your own terms. Your bedroom is safer than the highway!
BONUS: Mark Manson’s STD Guide – READ IT!
BONUS 2: Donate to Planned Parenthood. They allow affordable access to sexual health for our community!