One of the subjects that has been floating in the background of my sexual conciousness is female ejaculation. I started ejaculating about four years ago, and it’s been puzzling and a little frustrating that I have so little control over when and how much I squirt. Bringing this to the fore was a salon that I attended this weekend. As the little group gathered people told their ejaculation (or non-ejaculation) stories one by one. It wasn’t until it was my turn that I realized what an emotional issue this had become for me and how much I wanted some clarity around it.
While there has been some debate even over the existence of female ejaculation, it has been represented in art and literature since ancient times. The first ‘scientific’ description of ejaculation was made in the 17th c. by Dutch physician ReinierDeGraaf. As early as 1960, Time magazine reported the existence of the female prostate, which is homologous to, and has similar functions as the more familiar male prostate. At the same time, some studies seemed to show that some women have neither a prostate, nor the sensitive area in the vagina that is directly under it (i.e. the G-spot). For this reason, some scientists have surmised that the female prostate is a vestigial piece of anatomy, like an appendix. A 2007 study showed that the biochemical properties of female ejaculate are similar to male prostatic fluid and completely different from that of urine.
While female ejaculation has been a standby fetish genre in porn for years, there has been some mainstream (read: available at big-box stores) focus on squirting over the last decade or so. The ‘Female Ejaculation Bible’ (and my guide to squirting) has been Deborah Sundahl’s 2003 Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. It’s a practical guide with helpful diagrams. Dr. Susan Block also has a DVD called ‘The Squirt Salon’.
What really helped me during last Friday’s discussion was the organizer, Laura Merritt’s emphasis on how similar male and female sexuality and even sexual anatomy is. Faye Flam of Carnal Knowledge fame had it right we she wrote:”Men and women really aren’t such different creatures. We really are just flip sides of the same coin.” But since thinking and education about sex and sexual pleasure has been so oriented towards male bodies and reproduction, information about female anatomy and pleasure has, until recently taken a backseat. How many diagrams of female sexual anatomy have you seen that include the prostate? One resource that I really like for veiwing female sexual organs is the 3Dvulva. This is a huge improvement over the cross-section view that you see in most anatomical illustrations. From these images, it’s easy to see how vaginal or anal penetration stimulates the female prostate and makes ejaculation possible, and for many women, inevitable, just like anal stimulation for men.
Learning to ejaculate for me was simple: it involved a request from a lover and a weekend in with Sundahl’s book and my hand. My body was made for that sort of thing, but not everyone’s is. A lot of experts tend to have strong opinions about what the body ‘should’ be doing and that can create some tension for people whose bodies aren’t following instructions. Opening up about sexual insecurities and concerns gave me confidence about the kinds of responses that I have and helped me to push the shoulds out of my head.That’s why events like small group discussion are so great. Next month (year!) is a talk on discretion and privacy. In February the topic is polyamory. What kinds of topics would you like to cover in small group discussions?