How to Meet the Domme of Your Dreams: Part 1

by Mistress Simone

Wow, look at all those shoes! Photo courtesy of Mistress Simone.

A man’s own manner and character is what most becomes him. – Cicero

Please keep in mind that the opinions expressed within this article are my own. You may not share them or agree, but I do hope you will listen and they will provide some enlightenment for how dominant women work.  My perspective is one of a high femme, high protocol. Within my style, femme is how it would be largely described. To the general public, I associate with stereotypical feminine attributes.

Therefore, it tends to be a bit heavier on the guidelines than simple play partner locating. If seeking just to play and not develop an ongoing relationship, much of this will not apply, but it can be used as common human courtesy in dealing with all women. If you learn one thing here, I hope it is the key word to dealing with women. As Momma Aretha Franklin said:  RESPECT!  Without respect, you will not find what you seek.

Dominant women have a unique way of viewing the world. Strong, independent, self-reliant, we enjoy being taken care of but only as we desire. We can be very intimidating for the new submissive to approach, especially at lifestyle events where we are usually in full domme mode (as my partner calls it).

I have found through discussions with fellow women, both vanilla and kinky, that for the most part we desire the same things in potential partners. If I had to pick three things we all look for, they would be honesty, intelligence and the ability to make us laugh. Now, as a dominant woman, I have the added things I look for in a dedicated submissive.  My personal qualities for a submissive include honesty, sincerity, good communication skills in articulating what their needs are and loyalty. If I am going to invest training time in you, I want to know your attention will be on our connection, not the flavor of the week. I am also not a notch on your belt so you can say you have played with me. If that is the case, engage me or one of my fellow pro-dommes in a session.

Know the dominant you’re approaching if possible. Do not approach a highly sadist one if you are not a pain puppy or interesting in pushing those boundaries. If she is an unknown to you, engage in conversation to learn compatibility.

Much the same applies to approaching us as does vanilla women. We are women first, dominant second. So if you behave accordingly to proper etiquette when socially meeting a new woman, put that into play in fetish situations. Wait till there is a break in conversation and then politely introduce yourself. However, there is a difference with doing so with dominant women. If she flatly ignores you after two attempts, she is deeming you not of her interest. Politely excuse yourself and move on. Don’t force her to pay attention to you as it will only succeed in pissing her off and making you out to be an ass.

On the same note, if she does notice you, wonderful! Take this golden chance to make an impression. Be polite, respectful and aware of her mode at that time. I am approached quite often at events and parties. Moving from one encounter to the next can be challenging. I do try to acknowledge those who desire it but if I do not spend hours talking to you, please do not be offended. Pick your time of approach to what your goal is. If you desire to offer yourself for service, doing so when she is surrounded by others and distracted is probably not your moment.

Getting to know a dominant woman will not be an easy task. Sometimes we do make it difficult for those desiring to serve, to gauge their true sincerity. It also depends on how you meet. Nowadays there is the added element of cyber meeting which is a whole different element. Keep in mind, one thing holds true for both types of encounters: we do not want a waggling dick shoved in our faces (unless we ask).Sending us pictures of your dick will succeed in one way: getting you deleted. Also, listing all the fetishes we can do to you is another way. How generous of you to offer that! Now what can you do to actually serve?

Chivalry should not be dead. The simple little things such as holding a door for her, refilling her wine glass and helping her keep her balance when she maneuvers through a crowded room will gain her attention. Remember, woman first, dominant second. Put into practice the manners for treating a lady well and you will be on your way to finding a Mistress. Keeping a woman’s interest is a hard thing. Engaging conversation and decent eye contact can work wonders. Do not monopolize the conversation. Ask her open ended questions about herself. Do not jump into the middle of a conversation with your own opinion. Always be polite when addressing her. Skip the “Hey baby”, “Honey” “Sweetie” pet names. Purchase a book on manners and read it. Go to sub groups in your area to learn how to work within your own unique community. Talk with collared or owned submissives (after acquiring the permission of their owner) and learn from their experiences.

Bottom line: at all times, maintain a gentleman’s attitude.

Next week, Mistress Simone reveals her turn-ons and turn-offs.

Mistress Simone has been a professional and lifestyle domina and sex educator for over 20 years.