The other day I had a guy write to me:
I am wondering if you might be able to provide some advice on how to interact with women better. I realize I am not very good at starting or maintaining conversations, recognizing when a woman is flirting with me, or flirting with a woman.
I realize that a lot of it comes down to practice, but practice without understanding what needs to be changed is not very helpful. I’ve seen the ads for programs to “pick up any woman” but I know they aren’t realistic. How can I improve my interactions with women that I am interested in?
In addition to sending him this article Matthew wrote about flirting tips for men, I asked David Wraith for his 2 cents. He offered:
Did you ever watch that VH1 show “Can’t Get a Date?” It was actually a pretty awesome show. On one episode, they sent this guy to an improv class to help him get over his fear of maintaining conversations and help him learn to think on his feet and talk off the top of his head.
As far as flirting is concerned, I look for opportunities to touch a woman in a safe and appropriate way (on the arm, the shoulder or the hand) and see how she responds. Of course, you have to look for the right moment during an engaged conversation to do this. You can’t just go around touching random women on the arm.
If possible I try to add a third person to the conversation and she how she responds. Does she move closer to me to accommodate the new person? If I move closer to her to accommodate the third person, does she move away? This also gives me the chance to compliment her indirectly. Instead of being alone with a strange women and telling her she’s beautiful (which I’ve done, but it can seem forward) I can say, “Isn’t she beautiful?” to someone else in front of her.
I realize it can be frustrating for men – many times I have made eye contact, smiled, laughed at guy’s jokes during a conversation, and the next thing I know, he’s asking me to have anal sex with him.
“Wherever did you get the idea that I might want to have anal sex with you?” I sputter, embarrassed.
“You were totally giving me all the signals!” he shoots back, frustrated. “Plus, you’re a self-proclaimed slut and wrote about having anal sex last week, so why not have anal sex with me?”
And once again, we have a break down in communication.
I’m really excited about the FREE workshop for men only being offered (TOMORROW NIGHT!) September 22 7pm at Shameless Grounds!
Gentlemen, remember the time you were flirting with that attractive woman at the bar (or dungeon, or clothing optional party) and she turned her back to you? You thought she was playing hard to get. She wasn’t.
As men we are taught to be assertive, even aggressive, in business, in competition, even in romance. But there’s a thin line between assertive and scary, even in a sexually charged environment. Especially in a sexually charged environment.
Please join Sex Positive St. Louis for our first men’s only workshop, “Sex Positive Etiquette (for Men).”